I TIME

BELOW

 

A Poem of loss,

turn it off before the stars cease again eye

Saw one fall like death from the sky and

When i looked again it was too late

Morning already the end of darkness

 

If i could just spew like something where we live

A mouth of a river before it was and closed

Open and closed, chewing my head

 

I TIME

EYE TIME

TIME OBSERVED

CHANGES

 

and changes observed

is time

for it is not time passing if we do not observe it

is like time stands still

ALL I WANT

ALL I WANT

 

Is all that i have for

Real touch lies ephemeral and i

Want more and more, too

That came thing, more and more

Children on a farm, and too

Live single in the city, a life

On two parellel planes, as if

Wecould live it, you know the next

Hashtag generation eskewed yet

Internally incorporated in the past and

The Present

For me is of someone to give myself to too

Take from me and as i give unto another

Both a give and take and give more for

It grows in all of us unstoppable love and

Naked too all the time for babies and

Oh the exhaustion of joy so elating eye

Cries and called out for

It her face and her impediments and

You carry me all but to know, to know and to see with

These eyes i love you always anyway no way around

It she said, for there is more and more and

I love you to feel me back now take the take it one insists like

Old men’s hands

Picking chestnuts off wide metal platters perched

Atop me preferred, but really a shopping cart, you see?

 

Touch me

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME

 

Time and how long it goes for

Every move i make comes back too

The same point, and the story we tell

Ourselves You and ME and

There on the screen, the face is different

But the words are mine from and to too

My tears, and tears and tears and

The ending, i said, she said, someone else said

It is about finding ones own strength, realized

You had it all along

 

That tough skin that shields bullets and

A long line of other items, listed like

Symptoms of aches and pains, aches and

 

It looks almost smokey out the fog

Memory of the last devestation too

Engulf me with your chest i cry and

Bite into, fur between my teeth

 

Time and how long it goes for

Every move i make comes back too

The same point, and the story we tell

Ourselves You and ME and

There on the screen, the face is different

But the words are mine from and to too

My tears, and tears and tears and

The ending, i said, she said, someone else said

It is about finding ones own strength, realized

You had it all along

 

That tough skin that shields bullets and

A long line of other items, listed like

Symptoms of aches and pains, aches and

 

It looks almost smokey out the fog

Memory of the last devestation too

Engulf me with your chest i cry and

Bite into, fur between my teeth

SO FAR INSIDE

SO FAR INSIDE

Your head or the center of Earth

Mother

Me, i am it

The only ones left on Earth here or there

How would we know if there are no communications

What woould we feel, i wonder about those ways we

We are attached by those strings and TIME

deep, deep inside our heads butt

Head, stupid man, over and over

You carry me

THE TIME it takes to get there, walk a distance

To a new World, it depends of course on our perspective, like size

How many steps in a mile, and how fast can you run

And are you able to let go of all those preconceived notions

One day, or a lifetime; can be one and the same, or following

Knowing, too, do not mistake knowing for following followers

C’mon, let’s go. It is what you always were hearing

Do good, help when we can, i say

So how about you, where were you when you were saved?

The Natural Cafe or was it Horton Plaza the first time

Of certain realizations SBeeSandeeAgo but

Mine now likes to play, he say, like that

And part of it admittedly, was part of the act the image

Of who he was, where he came from, i speak of another

Not A every man but A Extraordinary Mind of kindness

Love and flaws. The Feminine it is of every women, the flaw

Unless you are not one

Time perceived changes, just the act of being watched

Changes time and how, what

What if we just always presumed we were being watched

Like God, or Time as a thing, it depends on our eyes, real or

Real eyes, all eyes are real, but how do they see is the difference

Realize real eyes, real lies

Time can do that to us, help us see, but i am not sure about the lies

Or from whom, would it matter if we are one and the same

Like she is just like me, i see her as she sees me

As we are, and that is love, one said. Tears

All the things that are suppose to happen happen

And happened the way they were suppose to too

I just wanted to say tutu and imagine the pink legs in pink toe shoes

And little butts all cute and wiggley and the how of names

Names, last and first and how we get to them

And then we just let it go, and let it be

INSANITY TALKING

INSANITY TALKING

Sounds like

Too me Words of War in Vietnamese

Along with Audrey and that last name. embroidered

Golden threads strings, it was the little things

A Love fuck as opposed to some other kind

Where did you hear that from and

I did what i said i would do, being shy really

And cried and cried and cried, oh

Eye see it now, your skin and the capture of her hands on your chest

Really it was your neck where i dreamed of caressing

The bridge of my nose to your clavicle kissing

Up under and down your shoulder

I saw it, you know now i realize how little the little shrinking part

The whole thing was basically about the big

And in your head the every man

And the every woman you want

Gifts of helping others and finding self, paid off And

Pay-offs , but are you happy? Better

In the life you made, is it the one that you dreamed it would be, settled down?

Happy with the life of a child to worry about what really matters in life

But to be there in death with you, remember me,

Word. think of me.

With a little tea and jam, i thought the shot of the hills over the fjord

Should have been blaring Sound of Music JA

And the Children twirling in curtains for

Me and my George or george what? The characters are all really you

Goergette or georgie or georgene just gorgeous, but physical

Attraction is all really in my mind’s eye

Tells us what to see always like the wine and how we taste it

Colors, falling in love watching the world, the words

Screenplays in my head, but it is really the words and how they get there

Just for that shot, and to use the word fjord

You carry me and we are together when you die, or is it me?

I cannot see it, but thought of the western and how

It is much more well suited for your style and really i need to work with

His eye of your words hands images tears are a bite

The real thing, i did it tho, what i said i would do

Poked at your skin, and waited for the color to come

Too come back to who we are suited to

You said your skin was kind of flakey and i wanted so

To rub it with the ROSE lotion,

It is almost like it is one big love story, too

Mother Earth

Really in the end it is between you and her, for everybody

And there mothers , and your father or brother like A

Great big Love Letter, but small, small

And the dialogue about the way it all is suppose to turn out

Until you realize the lunacy of it all, what was i thinking

You thought quickly, insanity

Wait! Wait for it, the explosion in deadpane

TIME SPEEDS UP

I am feeling it increasingly more, with this latest slaughter. A jolt to the system, i mean it was just two days ago, but that first morning it happened, really it was late at night, but i woke to it. The longest day it seems when i look back on it seemed to last a couple days really, and then the next day i thought , was it only yesterday that it all happened? And you didn’t even get home until late that night, it was only early the next morning that i saw you , and then you are gone again.

Or who is? Who is gone, and who is here?

The shipping container magnet, he said, no a different guy, some Swed or Slavic or another.

And about the rats, he asked, too. And i hadn’t seen any evidence until after he left, god just the thought of that mouse nesting in the couch, mice of course. I feel so sick, and in the kitchen, under the sink,

i thought i would write once again, my thoughts, trying to keep up with all that i have to do, and thinking trying planning for some future that is unknown. Unknown and there is anger there for certain parts of it… i don’t see how it will come together that other part…

and the draft – this draft – keeps popping up in red that saving has failed . it is all right here though – so it is pointless. stop cutting into my conversation with useless distraction. it is just words here, i will post them later, no worries.

Anyone else awakened by the launch? It shook the house good, but as from afar. An approaching dread and then the bird just started; A signal the light is coming. That singular loud bird, and now it is quiet and i would try a little more sleep, perhaps. if it weren’t for the worry. The worry of some tyrant taking over our government only to increase his private profits, or my own husband dead by there hands; Their hands and their maidens who do their bidding, you know.

Campy, Wailing, The

They say the oil is so thick in Kit’ Canyon, SO thick that they will have to truck in lighter crude from that desolate Central Valley, Bakersfield or something.

We already have enough big trucks on the roadways, so much more than we used to have, and dropping all that debris, giving all the little ones flats and causing breakdowns.

They have to truck it all the way here, to mix it, blend it on-site, with some top secret cocktail of fracking who the frack knows what, in order to get it in a ready enough state to truck it back to Bake-O for further refining.

All that pollution, i mean just the thought of the noise pollution alone is giving me a headache, body aches really, it is other problems being compounded with general worry for our future’s welfare.

Like Time is a human, or living animate.

Well, it is not static, that’s for sure. How did you get here …

…

The wail of the siren came out from the speakers, one could see them across, all along, the borders of the county lines. Out of the speakers, from the lines of connecting poles, like trees but dead and cut off from the oxygen supply, “It’s a tsunami warning system, they said, it just started up again recently,”

“Why would they just start it now? It seems odd, like it hasn’t been in use for so long, until now? What would trigger them to start it now, if the tsunami up north two years ago didn’t do it? After that they put new signs along the coast, but everything is happening really fast now.”

“The flooding, you mean? It just started happening, I now, but in those other places. Not here, yet. Thank God.”

“Or whoever. Kim Jong Someone, anyway. The flooding is in those low coastal plains in the Southeast, nowhere near here. I don’t know, maybe I am just unfamiliar with this area in the Central Coast. Are we at some old ancient river mouth, sweeping into the Central Valley? Imagine if Someone just took a chunk out of this face, our whole mouth being gone…”

“As if the Airforce base is the living body. What would a nuclear warhead do to this mouth? A face without a mouth, a valley without a water supply.”

The high, long wail started again. “It’s just a test, they are just testing the system. Some people got notice in the mail, remember.”

“It just makes me hurt so, like the sound of mourning mothers in black hijab. Wailing, I think i feel it in my chest, like a balloon expanding.”

It’s the way the fear can trickle into our bodies, take over our senses and alter our reasoning. Everything starts to get blurry, and I can let go, and someone or noone will be there to catch me.

No one.

Or me, him, you know, the one. The One.

“Noone, you cannot be here when I need you. I am alone, in reality, even if you can hold me for this hour in the morning.” The alarm made him jump awake, startling her, too.

“Oh ! I have to go, I love you.”

“I know. You were moaning loudly in my ear, like we were making love or something. I don’t want you to go, i want to lay here for longer, forever, or just … I feel so sick about everything coming up this week, things I do not understand, too much to do and be done and falling away, parts that matter.”

When I ran for the school board, he did not support me, said i shouldn’t do it, for as much as i wanted to , saw the missing pieces in our elementary system, i wanted to make change for the good of our kids, all our community. But he had long meetings at night, already away, and it would be more of a burden on the kids, and the family, if i were to have to go too, to evening school board meetings. Again, i gave up my own desires and motivations for him, his lack of wanting to work more as a parent, he just wanted it easier ; so i decided i was not really running, even though it was too late to actually withdraw – and of course i had already given up tenure, long before, i was OK with that part as i wanted to focus on the bigger picture, my children’s lives and the system they were, all were coming up through.

I feel so sick, she thought to herself again. He was gone now. And she knew she could but would not , it is unclear. She felt the confusion, the blurriness. She used to write through it, but now her body felt heavy and sleepy, always so sleepy. She could just lie here and wish for it to be darker. Let the sun be blotted out, she thought.

And the bills, all the medical bills, for all the treatments, like rabies and…

At least you are immune now, you are at an advantage, it is all so … even the animals, you know …