The Telling Stars

like tiny pin pricks through the light

night turns to day; day to night and

with the light come the winds ah

pounding against the house

an aluminum chair or as the pricks fade

trees sway back and forth between lemon lines

orchards, but it was the tall, fat pines browning at their tips which swayed so

along the road, theirs the cathedral, has been so much silence, peace with this fire

until now

far away yet choking choking ash soot, transferring underfoot or

as they come out brighter in darkness, we see the most, those

Gemini want someone to make me coffee bring it to me here in bed

hear those choppers come from over the next ridge

with the light and the wind for i awake

and there are no more stars to see too

and now, as they come blaring sirens, new evacuation orders

no coffee is coming, and i think of my children

Campy, Wailing, The

They say the oil is so thick in Kit’ Canyon, SO thick that they will have to truck in lighter crude from that desolate Central Valley, Bakersfield or something.

We already have enough big trucks on the roadways, so much more than we used to have, and dropping all that debris, giving all the little ones flats and causing breakdowns.

They have to truck it all the way here, to mix it, blend it on-site, with some top secret cocktail of fracking who the frack knows what, in order to get it in a ready enough state to truck it back to Bake-O for further refining.

All that pollution, i mean just the thought of the noise pollution alone is giving me a headache, body aches really, it is other problems being compounded with general worry for our future’s welfare.

Like Time is a human, or living animate.

Well, it is not static, that’s for sure. How did you get here …

…

The wail of the siren came out from the speakers, one could see them across, all along, the borders of the county lines. Out of the speakers, from the lines of connecting poles, like trees but dead and cut off from the oxygen supply, “It’s a tsunami warning system, they said, it just started up again recently,”

“Why would they just start it now? It seems odd, like it hasn’t been in use for so long, until now? What would trigger them to start it now, if the tsunami up north two years ago didn’t do it? After that they put new signs along the coast, but everything is happening really fast now.”

“The flooding, you mean? It just started happening, I now, but in those other places. Not here, yet. Thank God.”

“Or whoever. Kim Jong Someone, anyway. The flooding is in those low coastal plains in the Southeast, nowhere near here. I don’t know, maybe I am just unfamiliar with this area in the Central Coast. Are we at some old ancient river mouth, sweeping into the Central Valley? Imagine if Someone just took a chunk out of this face, our whole mouth being gone…”

“As if the Airforce base is the living body. What would a nuclear warhead do to this mouth? A face without a mouth, a valley without a water supply.”

The high, long wail started again. “It’s just a test, they are just testing the system. Some people got notice in the mail, remember.”

“It just makes me hurt so, like the sound of mourning mothers in black hijab. Wailing, I think i feel it in my chest, like a balloon expanding.”

It’s the way the fear can trickle into our bodies, take over our senses and alter our reasoning. Everything starts to get blurry, and I can let go, and someone or noone will be there to catch me.

No one.

Or me, him, you know, the one. The One.

“Noone, you cannot be here when I need you. I am alone, in reality, even if you can hold me for this hour in the morning.” The alarm made him jump awake, startling her, too.

“Oh ! I have to go, I love you.”

“I know. You were moaning loudly in my ear, like we were making love or something. I don’t want you to go, i want to lay here for longer, forever, or just … I feel so sick about everything coming up this week, things I do not understand, too much to do and be done and falling away, parts that matter.”

When I ran for the school board, he did not support me, said i shouldn’t do it, for as much as i wanted to , saw the missing pieces in our elementary system, i wanted to make change for the good of our kids, all our community. But he had long meetings at night, already away, and it would be more of a burden on the kids, and the family, if i were to have to go too, to evening school board meetings. Again, i gave up my own desires and motivations for him, his lack of wanting to work more as a parent, he just wanted it easier ; so i decided i was not really running, even though it was too late to actually withdraw – and of course i had already given up tenure, long before, i was OK with that part as i wanted to focus on the bigger picture, my children’s lives and the system they were, all were coming up through.

I feel so sick, she thought to herself again. He was gone now. And she knew she could but would not , it is unclear. She felt the confusion, the blurriness. She used to write through it, but now her body felt heavy and sleepy, always so sleepy. She could just lie here and wish for it to be darker. Let the sun be blotted out, she thought.

And the bills, all the medical bills, for all the treatments, like rabies and…

At least you are immune now, you are at an advantage, it is all so … even the animals, you know …

Below Me

Xxxxxx

I i eye need to stop starting w me.fuck shit i more than dont want to write dont want to anything and i should read that poetry and why are you there and who are you, who is it could be anyone but then what it could always be anyone couldve always been right, though why and he said he didnt read and something about icu and beware but he was being coyish maybe and just seeing me from outside the winery not about some video feed but when i dance to the music or something tells me people see and more than i do not know and then this

…

These are the fears like no fear is so stupid and all this over the top letting

Go bullshit, i mean i know y’all are bunch of sheep or whatever but my fears

Are really about reality, like it is not you who i think and not fair for

Something like a lipstick tube, that was not who was you would you excuse

Me as you: you dropped this babee, i added a funny name butt it is you

Like a janus figure, talking out of two sides of faces, and i should see

Just that alone, it is unethical, of course you must know. So how do we

                                    just i fly to the right

                                                         side of sanity just

Barely touching and is it just such seriousness, a kindness to a fault the way

He described my father at his funeral, his best man

took my kids shopping and went big like

more than dad ever would’ve

Campy (a Memory)

There are images, i can hold, more of want than memory; but they might be, someone else’s. Memory, hopefully i like to think, i am creating it. Of that chair and how our bodies can be just right in it, connected as a chain, natural like nature, animals even. Smelling the roses and how i want you in my mouth like to bite and gnaw, maybe hanging on as i shake and feel the vibrations we can make. Who is it? Who can make me , as i imagine, coming face to face, more what comes before in time like words. Word is one who is OM is the sound i don’t know now. Before you see, a man can hardly do that i mean, and why would anyone else be so special it isn’t really even about that i am rambling it is only for a while, i know. But who? And i will just tell you how we were connected by skin, open and wet like kisses but more devouring and in such a primal way, that i say we are animals. Humans with these thoughts, i know what it was about, now i remember, it is how i care to be connected by more, and it is in my mind, the way i see us together the way i am with you no matter the distance none or infinite like death even i am not sure. But i have to see it in my mind, the love that i have for the person, be able to put myself in your arms nestled beside you as close as i can get, and feel that place as i want to be and how i want to be closer, lie there beside you and try to crawl up more into you, i know. I know, there is this physical attraction, but it is not that what i am talking about about it is how i know i want, or let myself have, and if i want to give myself to you. I do , i do, but for i think of the last time i was with him, him, i could be like any him, but it is just the one him that makes me sick and how i had such physical want but my mind it told me, it said you do not want and never again will i want him and i do not, it is in my mind is what i am saying, even when i am so parched or wet and longing for flowers, i want only the right flowers i cannot change it that is in my mind. And why can’t someone just be easy, and sleep here with me, just come, why does anything have to be so complicated, what could be the trouble? Trouble like that he said and everyone, it is like the judgement of some woman matters more than what this i am not knowing again and i will tell you how i have i was in reverse table, almost out of that low chair as you pull my body to the lip of the seat, just on the edge and you are like a dog , and i can hardly contain myself it makes me shake all the way up in my chest vibrates, my head light, i may forget where i am. And you do and i want so bad to pull you up and kiss you feel more my fingers all through your hair and your back and more skin i do not think i can wait, i come fast for even now i pant and you come up so quickly and stab me it hurts so good to feel your entire body on mine in me i can’t think i  know that is how, and i bite your shoulder and play with more of your body, i just want to play with it is all, little bits and see how it moves after

 

The silica

pollen as materialized light

all the individual

super organisms one

undividable entity

a bee

you as my gift

campy iv

his little sat between his legs like she was him.

or he was , maybe it is a he?

ok, maybe, just let me start the story.  It didn’t really work anyway, he has to play , he said, but that was not really the problem. Really she was almost non-existent, so tiny like infintesimal ;

why can’t you spell?

i can. why don’t you have a spelling assistant? i mean she needed a magnifying glass just to see, to be seen, the words, everything needed magnification in order to be …

So she sat there, and played, so tiny and still, she could barely feel.

i need to be alone more, in order to write, i decided. Authors are lonely by nature, and watch out what you wish for or …

Ants? yes, many of them. and where is a little auto-help for any of this? capitalize the first letter for me, unless i say otherwise.

Eye eye, cap’t my cap’t. Who are you?

Another over-worked, desensitized, lonely male. Wandering the woods alone, you had better be careful.

The streets are hardly wooded these days, all the trees dying, crashing down around us, blocking cars. Even if they could drive without the gas

Random thoughts of sex, another time ago. Give me something good, i don’t know.

“I don’t want put anybody down, ever. Sometimes we just lose touch.”

Forget, she finished her thought with his. “We forget, all of us are forgetting. Do you remember who i am?” She took off her top, and he squeezed her sides and made them puff up together in the middle, nuzzling his face into her chest.

She felt the pang, for something, something else. To be alone and with her own thoughts, writing. She wanted to tell him, to go away, it needed to stop. Maybe they could do this more later, less frequently, or … she wasn’t sure …

Then he fed her. something, a tidbit, some little morsel that placated and made her feel bad.

Mad at herself, she had wanted to talk about sex, or what was it …. Xome Come , come back for more.

Come back for more later, ……………………………………………………………………………

it was about the stars, and laying back with him, watching the explosions.

Burst really, and i don’t want to be done, done and bored. He keeps going, too, it is not only that.

Something about sex? and wonder, i wonder what is yours like? Does it still work, unlike his little, and is it a little or more like X … x or iv or iii. The first one , my love, and the last; they all had huge hearts.

And that rounded back like my great-aunt who delivered me from sin, original sin, you know, motherhood or …

Can we just get back to the topic? Or maybe you should sleep?

He came at her decisively, putting his hands on her face first , then his mouth over hers.

Campy iii

Too much sentimentality just comes off sounding false,

Whether i’ve felt it or not, butt

I don’t think

-it is even, that -it is more

A whining some songs sad

…

I wanted to say how afraid i was, i can go there so easily. Of the state of things like serious things, and we all seem to be just floating through this like

The wrong way turn around or i have nothing to say defeated winning what does it matter nor

I am right about everything, if i only knew what it was

Crawling on the ground between you r

Campy ii

I wanted to say how afraid i was, i can go there so easily. Of the state of things like serious things, and we all seem to be just floating through this like 

The wrong way turn around or i have nothing to say defeated winning what does it matter nor 

I am right about everything, if i only knew what it was 

Crawling on the ground between you 

You put

I mean i put, take your hand palm up and examine it

The lines and i let my finger follow a trail up your wrist, on the inside

And feel a pang of want that i know, from a long time ago, and

Another for the newness of babies skin – just the thought of your wants

Crying at the stars and how many do you see shooting, do

You speak in tongues, double talking, deceit-it sounds not

until something a word

I was wanting to talk about how i hide under covers, and get scared. Babbles on

and on about fear, and facing it and then

I am hit with it even here where i am just suppose to be spewing, not editing my

Thoughts, thinking, i am afraid , he said war it would start , and for you it has to do with

The media and i see them tightening control, the fascists are watching, calling

It sex, or pandering to your any want, it is possible, you can buy anything, you know B

Cause and who one might ask are they, they fascists – corporate greed someone sang it

Money, money, money, everything is about money, he answered defeated

But i keep my love is not included, nor should do i see yours that way, we can give it

Away for free and it takes away their power, but i didn’t start this to talk about them, their fears

Of being seen

for who they really are beneath plastic credit made to look bigger, better up

I am afraid of the world, what it is coming too sometimes, and the dark alone

More there are those bad people, and do you not know, or do you

And being way out there, isolated, that is scarey also more it’s not far enough removed for the

Apocalypse – you know b good with is what i said early on, and b just w so

Do you or don’t you and are you the one

Idk why i am formatting this this way don’t you hate it when words abutt twice, double like that

Talk too i am afraid it maybe that, double talk one to you, another way for her –

• Just assume it’s all for you, and hurry up –

Get with it, we can help each other make money and love, and perhaps hate others will, eye

Choose not too, i try my best, and not always in that this order, but i am

• Talking to You, and you

All of us together, too, anyone who wants to come, will you

Please! Stop just saying it! But do it. Yes, i want to, too.

There is that what you need, now plan it, because

I said so, and i know, like where you need to put your hand, flat

On my belly, it is smooth, more when i stretch up, and really feel that

Pang move through my body, and let it go lower, too

My low belly and

What if all the lights go out, and it is dark and cloudy, when

we can’t see anything

You lean in and whisper with our eyes are closed

…

Campy i

It’s true i really do…” She hesitated a moment and took off her glasses, rubbing the bridge of her nose and putting her hands over her forehead. “And i am feeling really exhausted, but just so ready.”

You don’t really want to go camping do you? it is such a hassle most of the time.”

but it is so good to sleep out under the stars, i just don’t want to do it alone. Do you like to camp?

Like life is some competition that takes place in cyber reality.

Or some reality, and what was the quote about reality? or more about propaganda, and once we remove that memory, that story or image, it is gone from reality and actually ceases to be.

That is what she is doing, painting different pictures in your mind, trying to in mine, my mind. Character development or something, paint the picture and watch the reaction. I mean that was happening, but i am something now. Really more of nothing.

So do you want to go camping?

I don’t know, not so much now with the minions revolting. They are refusing to move, it makes camping even less fun. I just want to sleep with a man; that’s the truth. Where can i find one to go camping with ? Forget my little minions.

Look up at the stars for awhile and then close our eyes and dream about things.

Something like that, yes. But about that non-reality…

“What is that on your shoulder, a wound?” his wife mimicked in bad Chinese accent.

“Why are you always talking like that, i cannot be around it makes it so hard to concentrate with you and your mother, at least learn to speak another language, instead of just pretending with those sounds.” They made fun of him for his own language even, he thought of the words he heard his mother speak at home, of the poet she so loved, and the beauty of everything. “I think she bit me, that wolf i telled you about…”

The wolf liked to bite, and he bit her back because she said so and because he liked it. She wondered if she was biting hard enough for it to hurt, she liked the thought of hurting him a little, just a little, but not breaking the skin. Just to leave a bruise, maybe, then she thought of how he liked to put his mouth on her…

She didn’t like some of the words inbetween, about making her come, had she, had she come for him, or… but his tongue had been so hard and assertive; insisting, she thought, just enough for doing this that she needed, things that can and cannot be said, she thought. Of his she who lived in the house he built, and what he was thinking leaving her to walk alone in the forrest; but then she thought of biting him more and his firm shoulders. How moist and sweaty he had become just walking through her tunnel of flowering trees. She knew she could seduce him into more, at the same time she wanted a little less. Something more slow, like the sound of his words when he started with his poetry, when they rested together under her trees.

Becareful what you wish for, you might find ants in your dildo.

Stop that filthy talk.

It is not filthy. Is it not what the qu’an speaks of, the strength they give my Sultan?

Or the strength they give someone. Have you seen the bruises you left all over my shoulders, down my arms?

Ah, is that from me? Did it hurt? I am sorry; why don’t you bite me some, here…” She smiled slightly offering her shoulder up to him, really she was more gleeful inside, to see her teeth marks in his skin. It was a darker skin then she was used to, with a different kind of fur. More wiry than her own downy fuzz, she liked to run her face through it, taking in his scent.

He likes to paint himself all in blue like some crazy sports fan, run around a field quoting authors of greatworks. Mostly himself, really.

He was there you know, for the great earthquake, the first one. It cut off everything, from everyone. And there were fires, those were the worst part. I have his card he was given to be allowed front of the line, to provide for all his family.

The fires were everywhere, too. From the hills above Florence, to our own continent now. And disaster in Firoshiko, the nuclear tragedy. The new normal is disaster, and no media is telling trusted enough, we are so fractured.

…

The ants actually came, i mean they are everywhere these days, but they actually seem to prefer my…

Oh stop already with these end of days speeches. You just need to log-out of everything for a 7 day period. That seems to be the secret number. 7 to 9 days free of any electromagnetic device, no part of your body should come into contact w any such device.

So this is out of the question? How will i monitor the feedings at home?”

…

I wanted to talk about how afraid i was, i can go there so easily. Of the state of things like serious things, and we all seem to be just floating through this like

The wrong way turn around or i have nothing to say defeated winning what does it matter nor

I am right about everything, if i only knew what it was

Crawling on the ground between you r